the song.
8fold heaven begins with a stutter, a fallen angel, and a wish made at eleven eleven. What follows is part devotional hymn, part obscene little love song, and part account of a rescue that may never have happened.
Gods, devils, daddies, and deep-sea creatures move through the song with suspiciously interchangeable roles. Angels develop questionable appetites. Salvation becomes a matter of personal preference. Somewhere along the way, the boy being worshipped borrows the narrator’s voice and begins making confessions of his own. Nobody seems particularly qualified to intervene.
Beneath its shameless bravado, the song circles something less amusing: the peculiar ways desire can disguise fear, how easily being wanted can be mistaken for being chosen, and what happens when the things that once hurt us become the things we learn to ask for.
There are first times and second deaths, bodies given and taken, and a mothwing wreath that might be intended for a celebration or a funeral. The distinction is never made entirely clear.
By the final verse, the jokes have largely exhausted themselves. The narrator is still underwater, still holding on, still arguing with someone about which direction salvation lies.
Perhaps heaven was never the destination.
Perhaps it was simply what somebody told him to call the room.
What does “The second time I died, it was a choice” mean?
I think sometimes the first time something destroys you, you don’t know what’s happening. The second time, you might know exactly what you’re walking into. Sometimes the only way we know how to stop being afraid of something is to turn it into something that turns us on. If you’re the one wanting it this time, if you’ve made it into something you desire, maybe it feels like it can’t hurt you anymore. I’m not sure that’s how it works. But I think sometimes wanting something feels safer than being afraid of it. Maybe it doesn’t stop hurting. Maybe you’ve just found a way to make the hurt feel like something you chose.
Are “devil boi” and “daddy” supposed to be two different people?
Yes and no. In the chorus, they’re two different people. Beyond that, I’m not always sure the distinction matters. I have a habit of writing about boys when it’s too difficult to write about myself. Give one a halo, another some horns, and suddenly something I couldn’t say out loud becomes a love song. Sometimes they’re different people. Sometimes they’re different parts of the same memory. It’s easier to tell you what happened to a boy than to tell you what happened to me.
Why is the song called “8fold heaven”?
Eight arms, eleven eleven, and a rather generous interpretation of heaven. I’m not entirely sure the place I’m describing would qualify for the name, but nobody’s complained yet.
What does “I wished for a devil at eleven eleven” mean?
There are two elevens, but only one wish. The first is an invitation. The second is a debt. Most people think eleven eleven is about asking the universe for something. But when a number looks back at itself, you should be much more concerned with what’s looking back through it. I wouldn’t worry too much about what I wished for. I’d worry about what answered.